Anxiety

This still happens to me. I have anxiety about being around groups of people because of how I’ve been treated my entire life.

This happens to me more than I would like to acknowledge. It’s not just about my body, my height, my tattoos and the assumptions that go with having body art, my clothes, my smile, my eyes, my hair, my jewelry, my shoes or flip flops.

I’ve had guys say things louder and louder so I acknowledge them in some way.

I’ve had people taking my order in a restaurant or a coffee place mention one or all of the things listed above. As well as reach out and stroke my hair, my arms, ask me if my tattoos hurt, are they real?

Recently I had someone say that they didn’t see me because I was short. While I was there, standing, in front of them. Waiting for them to take my order. After I asked them how they were doing today. I just had no words. Greg was behind me in line and couldn’t believe it.

I’m too polite I guess. People think because I’m short I’m young and inexperienced at life in general. I get this vibe everywhere. It’s not in my imagination, multiple people have told me that they see it happen all the time when they are with me.

I would love to be able to just shrug this off, let it roll of my back, ignore it, but it’s gotten to the point that I cannot stand most people, most men, women because of these things that happen DAILY to me.

You’ll see me smile slightly and move along quickly in most situations. I need to feel extremely comfortable with the people around me.

I usually go out with my husband at night, on the weekends, and I’m ok. I don’t hear things or maybe I’m paying attention to the love of my life instead. No one reaches out to see if my tattoos are real when he’s there with me. No one says that they cannot believe how short I am or even better, that they had forgotten how short I am while hugging me. Yes that happened to me. That hurt my feelings a lot. I was so shocked to hear that.

No one does these things if my husband is with me.

That speaks volumes doesn’t it?

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